How To Be a Warmer Person
Incorporate these five simple behaviors into your daily life to radiate warmth and trustworthiness.
People’s egocentricity has never been more pervasive than it is today. In most of our social interactions, we’re focused on gaining a benefit for ourselves.
For example, when we meet our headhunter friend for a casual lunch, we secretly plan to ask her to help us with our job search. Or we go to an after-work party, not so much to celebrate with colleagues, but more to impress the bosses who are vital to our professional development.
While busy chasing a desirable outcome, we unlearn to be warm and cordial with people. Yet, strangely enough, we tend to attribute cold behavior primarily to others. Where did all the warm-hearted people on this planet go?; we moan without taking a look in the mirror.
Positive social developments will only occur if the individuals are willing to adjust their mindset and behavior. So, I’ve written down five simple behaviors for me and you that will enable us to radiate more warmth daily and build a genuine connection with others.
Let’s dive in.
1. Say Hello and Smile
As simple as it sounds, many people can’t bring themselves to greet the person across from them with a smile. And no, having a bad day is no excuse for not greeting someone.
I’ve been working from home for nine months. During that time, I communicated with all my colleagues via online meetings. At those meetings, I was always the first to greet everyone with a smile. I instinctively knew that how I opened the conversation set the atmosphere for everything else.
A few weeks ago, I resigned from my job for personal reasons. Since then, my colleagues have showered me with loving messages. Interestingly, I was most touched by the comment of a colleague with whom I have hardly worked. He said, “I always appreciated that you were so bright and positive in meetings. Anyone who works with you is in good hands.”
Wow.
Be honest: Are you the one to greet first? Or is it your counterpart taking the initiative?
As long as it’s not your enemy standing in front of you, greet other people with a warm smile. Even better, ask them how they are doing.
Smiling is the simplest act of kindness — and contagious to boot.
2. Listen Actively
After a heartwarming greeting, let’s continue with a heartwarming conversation. Everyone has an immense need to be heard and understood. But unfortunately, many regularly fail to listen actively to the other person.
Active listening begins with letting the other person’s words sink in. Something different from active listening would be waiting until the other person has finished speaking so you can go on stage with your speech.
Admittedly, I used to steer the conversation toward myself all the time. At some point, I realized this selfish and annoying behavior. So I’ve made it a habit to let others know that I’m all ears when they talk.
For example, I paraphrase what the other person says, which means I rephrase the other person’s main statements as I understand them. By doing so, I show my sincere interest and avoid misunderstandings. Also, I ask many open-ended questions during the conversation to get more contextual information.
By paraphrasing your counterpart’s main points and asking open-ended questions, you, too, will be a champ at listening and understanding. The ice between you and the other person will melt immediately.
By the way, the icing on the cake is verbal appreciation. Try to compliment the other person at least once during the conversation. You don’t have to become a flatterer. The point is to highlight a positive detail about that person’s behavior. For example, sitting in a restaurant, you can say, “Hey, I love how understanding you were about the waiter’s mistake.”
3. Express Your True Feelings More Often
The whole world strives for professionalism. Especially in the workplace, conversations are conducted on the utmost professional level. But, unfortunately, there is too much reluctance to express feelings, especially important ones. Too often, I’ve seen colleagues who kept their despair under wraps, even when they were drowning.
Hardly anyone wants to appear “weak.” People would instead crumble on the inside than let their outer coolness crumble.
What does that have to do with becoming a warmer person?
Well, the term coolness comes from being cold. Always showing your stoic, unshakable side can make you look like a cold person — like a robot with no real feelings.
My simple advice is: Show your human side every now and then. Verbalizing your values, feelings, and boundaries is as important as putting rational arguments on the table. Therefore, add emotional components to your argumentation.
Here are some examples:
“I have the feeling that…”,
“I’ve been reflecting on…”,
“I felt the atmosphere was…”,
“It’d be honorable to….”
4. Be Goofy
Aren’t you tired of always being a serious and responsible adult? Don’t you want to let your inner child come out in front of others once in a while? Then let it happen.
Humor breaks the ice between you and others within seconds. You get closer to each other. Science also came to this conclusion. Small talk is ideal for harvesting first laughs. The rest will take care of itself. Remember that the opening of the conversation sets the tone for everything that follows.
For me, it’s easier to express my honest thoughts through humorous remarks than to speak my mind in a serious tone. I spice up my statements with irony, silliness, and a pinch of sarcasm. That way, my counterpart can absorb my message better.
5. Reach Out to People Without Having a Request
I want to circle back to the point I started this article with — chasing a benefit in social interactions. Please do me a favor and never become that person about whom everyone says, “Oh, he only checks in when he needs something.” (Or she.)
You probably have at least a handful of people in your social circle who inspire you and deserve your attention. Reach out to these lovely humans spontaneously and ask about their well-being — without having any specific request. They will be delighted to hear from you, and what’s more, they will believe in the cordiality of people.
When working, I often think of certain colleagues I haven’t heard from in a long time. Instead of waiting for a “reason” to contact them, I spontaneously text them. I write, “Hi, how are you? How have the last few days been for you?”. The replies I get afterward are lovely.
Let’s Recap
We have a deep longing for more warmth in our lives. At a time when social interactions are increasingly losing their sparkle, we need to look in the mirror and ask ourselves, What am I doing to spread warmth?
You can leave your counterpart with a comforting warm feeling by:
- Saying Hello and smiling. It requires minimum effort and has a huge impact.
- Actively listening. You want to show someone that you genuinely care about their life.
- Sharing your true feelings more often — both positive and negative. You are capable of showing your vulnerable side.
- Goofing around and making the other person laugh. Humor is a powerful tool to get closer to someone.
- Get in touch with people without having an agenda. No doubt you are doing that with your loved ones. But try to show more people that you genuinely care about their well-being.
Be the blanket others desperately need.
