4 Mindsets of Diplomatic People That Lead to a Peaceful Life
Conflicts can be resolved without throwing tantrums.
Diplomatic people — these two words may remind many of us of ambassadors who live in exotic countries. They always have a friendly smile on their faces and shake hands with foreign politicians.
The term diplomacy is not confined to the relations between nations. It is also a character trait, a skill that plays an essential role in many other areas of life — at work, in the relationships with our partners, friends, neighbors, and customers.
When is someone considered diplomatic?
A diplomatic person knows how to approach an idea or cause without unnecessarily inflaming passions or unleashing a catastrophe. That kind of person rarely reacts impulsively to an opposing opinion. Instead, a diplomat tries to reach an agreement with other people in a sensitive and respectful way.
Maintaining a harmonious relationship with others is the most important value for diplomatic people. That doesn’t mean they back down all the time or are too nice. They certainly are determined and try to assert their interests.
Diplomatic people never lose sight of their long-term goal:
maintaining good relationships.
By the way, I would not give myself a black belt in diplomacy. But I deeply admire people in my environment who are diplomatic. They inspire me with their attitudes, and I think there is a lot to learn from them.
Their deep understanding of human psychology can resolve seemingly insoluble conflicts.
So, let’s take a closer look at diplomatic people's mindsets that lead to a peaceful life.
1. They don’t see everything in black and white.
They also see things in yellow, purple, red, green, blue, and many other colors. Diplomatic people are much aware that there is no one right opinion. They know the diversity of human nature and are open to different views on a subject.
Unlike narrow-minded people, diplomats understand that each of us grew up differently and taught different values in our upbringing. Every human being has individual experiences in life. Consequently, diverse belief systems and opinions emerge in us.
Diplomatic people perfectly understand and accept this reality. Therefore, they perceive different thoughts not as a threat that needs to be fought but as something given by nature.
During a conversation, diplomats focus on the other person’s perspective and background. In other words, they try to make the best of the diversity of opinions.
2. They prefer win-win negotiations.
As mentioned, diplomats always look for a satisfying solution for both sides. That is why they are considered excellent negotiators. They know how important it is to create value together, to come out of negotiations as winners together, instead of taking advantage of each other. They highly value compromises in negotiations to meet different expectations.
For example, suppose someone with a diplomatic mindset is negotiating the next holiday destination with the partner. That person would consider both sides equally, the partner’s preferences and priorities (e.g., lots of sunshine and hiking) and own interests (e.g., beach and relaxing). They would finally decide on a destination that fulfills all of their desires—for example, The Canary Islands.
3. They are genuinely interested in their counterpart’s greatest fears.
When diplomatic people experience their counterparts throwing a tantrum, they remain calm. They try to analyze the actual reason for the other person’s aggression because they know there must be another emotion on a more profound level: fear. Diplomats then put effort into eliminating that fear in the best possible way.
A non-diplomatic person, on the other hand, would immediately perceive the other person’s aggressive behavior as a personal attack and get ready to counterattack.
A former coworker of mine once told me that her father had belittled her all her life. He was a hurtful, self-righteous person, always made her feel stupid and naive. Even though my colleague deeply despised her father’s behavior and had even broken off the contact many years before, she unconsciously projected his behavior onto the people around her, including me.
She frequently gave me the feeling of not being educated enough. Whenever I told a story in the office, I was constantly corrected and interrupted by her. Other than that, she made snide remarks about the way I talked. She just treated me the same way her father had treated her in the past. I took it as a personal attack at the beginning and shot back.
Countless arguments marked our relationship. Despite our ongoing conflict, I somehow felt that she wasn’t a bad or narcissistic person. At some point, I started to dig deeper into her behavior’s possible causes.
I thought about her family background and realized a massive fear behind her aggressive behavior. She was afraid that the people around her would abuse her emotionally as her father did.
So, she must have built some protective mechanism for herself over the years. By acting superior to others, she did not give anyone even the slightest chance to act superior to her!
The fact that I finally understood my colleague’s actual fear made me stay more relaxed when dealing with her. At some point, I became more diplomatic towards her. I began to praise her for her positive qualities, and as a result, our relationship improved slowly.
4. They accept the world as a place full of imperfections.
Diplomatic people perfectly understand the depths of the human psyche. They know the animalistic side of human beings and probably had to swallow a huge amount of bad manners themselves.
Therefore, they have abandoned the ideal image of people always doing and saying the “right” thing. They do not expect entirely ethical and respectful behavior in their relationships from the beginning.
It doesn’t mean that diplomats put up with people’s obnoxious behavior. They just don’t have a strong allergic reaction to bad manners. They take an insult with good humor.
Final thoughts
If there were no diplomatic people on this planet, almost every discussion and negotiation would end up in terrible fights. Imagine how many wars would immediately break out if there weren’t any patient and respectful people in negotiations.
That’s how valuable diplomatic mindsets are. We may never completely change the aggression in other people, but we can change our reaction to it with a diplomatic approach.
