3 Signs You’re Prone to Pointless Rumination
And how you can free yourself from the endless stream of thoughts.
“You’re reading way too much into this,” my career coach interrupted me when I told him how much my former work colleagues were getting on my nerves. “You’re over-analyzing the situation again. Your counterpart’s negative behavior probably has nothing to do with you at all,” he interjected again as I continued with my next work-related story. This man, who was supposed to help me find a new direction in my professional life, reflected relentlessly on each of my judgmental remarks.
Actually, I’m skilled at self-reflection, drawing correct conclusions from past experiences, and setting sail towards personal growth. Many people admire this quality in me. But at some point, without my realizing it, this quality almost turned into an unhealthy obsession. I reflected way too much. I even contemplated meaningless everyday situations at times and got caught in negative thoughts.
It wasn’t until I worked with this brutally honest career coach a year ago that my eyes opened. Various thought and behavior patterns that weren’t doing me any good came to light. I want to share these with you in this article. Perhaps you’ll recognize yourself in one of the points. I will also give you some tips on dealing with the eternal whirl of thoughts.
1. You Can’t Fully Enjoy Moments of Lightness
Let’s stay on the subject of work. About six months ago, I took on a new job. My job is exciting but sometimes also exhausting as hell. Never before have I had so little time for pointless ruminations and daydreams during working hours. That’s not a bad thing, right?
Except at some point, I started letting my ruminations run wild after work and on weekends. Instead of enjoying myself on the golf course with my loved ones on a sunny Saturday afternoon, all I could think about was why my colleague had said to me, “All right, boss.”, three days earlier. I wasn’t his supervisor. So why had he called me that? Did he mean to imply that I was acting too bossy toward him? And so, my thoughts continued to spin in circles on the golf course.
How to ruminate less:
Your thoughts are everywhere but in the present. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with pondering more than usual during times of significant change. But you should also give yourself a break and enjoy light-hearted moments.
Allow yourself to ruminate intensely only at certain times, for example, 15 minutes in the morning after waking up or shortly after an incident. When analyzing the strange behavior of others, be careful not to overinterpret and react inappropriately. Especially with people you don’t know well yet, you can quickly be wrong with your judgment. Often, the cause of their behavior doesn’t even lie with you but somewhere else.
2. You Prepare Too Well for Your Next Step
Preparing too well for something can have downsides? Yes, exactly. Because in doing so, you think of all eventualities and make an enormous effort. I used to meticulously prepare for interviews, exams, and presentations, only to realize afterward that I could have saved myself 50% of the time and effort.
With less worry up front, I could have achieved the same result. But instead, I was trying to control the future. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize I was unnecessarily wasting energy in the process.
How to ruminate less:
As you prepare for your next move, always be aware that you can’t control the future. No matter how hard you try, there will always be some risk. C’est la vie.
What you can control is how you use your valuable resources. Be economical with your time and energy, following the minimum principle — getting a good result with as little effort as possible. For example, you could deliberately start preparations at the last minute. You shouldn’t start too late, but late enough to give your worries little space. By doing so, you can approach a topic more focused and achieve the same results.
3. You Often Find Yourself Misjudging Others
I hate to admit it, but I used to be quick to pigeonhole people. When a new acquaintance acted weird and reminded me of someone from the past who had disappointed me, I would immediately draw comparisons. Then, after unnecessary rumination, I would come to the “conclusion” that this new person in my life wouldn’t mean anything good either.
Essentially, something sad was happening: I was distancing myself from someone without really getting to know them. But, at some point, surprisingly, it turned out that this person had wonderful qualities after all.
How to ruminate less:
When a new person walks into your life, be aware that an individual is standing before you. This person is as unique as you are and brings an unprecedented set of values and experiences. Therefore, it’s not fair for you to equate this new person with people from the past.
One way to learn as much as you can about this person in a short time is to ask questions of different kinds. Ask questions that will get the other person to tell you more about their values in life, attitudes, needs, and concerns. You elicit even more personal information from them by revealing snippets of your inner life as well.
You also learn a lot about a person’s character in social settings. Observe how your new acquaintance behaves toward other people. Are they still friendly to the waitress at the restaurant when she makes a mistake? Are they outgoing, or do they tend to stay out of the group to do their own thing?
Closing Thoughts
My career coach saw my ruminations as both a blessing and a curse. On the one hand, my analytical skills have enabled me to identify problems early and solve them masterfully. This trait has helped me make the right decisions in life.
On the other hand, over-analyzing situations and other people’s statements caused me to worry unfoundedly and lose valuable energy. As with all qualities, a healthy dose is crucial.
Probably you’ve also noticed that your rumination is going out of control. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be reading this article. There’s no shame in being prone to ruminating. The key is to find a healthy balance.
